Rachelsnoveller

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Liam POV.

It shouldn’t have happened. It wasn’t right and it would.never.be.right. I couldn’t stop replaying back the last few hours. I wanted it to stop, I wanted to forget about it, and I wanted to erase it. I loved Niall, he was my best friend, but this, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I replayed back earlier today again.

“Niall, you can’t act like you’re ok and sit there moping around. I know you, something’s wrong.” I questioned him. “It’s really nothing Liam” he shot back and walked to the kitchen. I stood in the door way just watching him. It was painful to see him like this, I just watch him stand there with the sting of tears in his eyes. “Niall,please tell me” the pain in my voice seeping out, I heard it, he heard it, yet silence still rang out. What happened next was the unexplainable. He turned around his eyes searing into my skin and I felt our bodies lurch forward instinctively and we collapsed into each other. Our lips molded together like our hips; like they belonged there. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t comprehend, but it just felt right. My world was spinning faster and faster till he pulled away. Reality hit me hard, like a brick to the face.

“What…..what….was that for?” I stuttered. I didn’t let Niall get a word in before I spoke again. “Why would you do that? Niall this isn’t right! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?You’re going to ruin everything. I can’t even……not right now……how…..” I raced out of the room slamming the door on a stunned pale face.

Niall POV.

“Why would you do that? Niall this isn’t right! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? You’re going to ruin everything. I can’t even……not right now……how…..” Liam screamed and slammed the door. I stood there stunned a slow tear dripped from my blue eye. My vision started to blur along with my mind. I couldn’t decide what to feel, the happiest moment of my life just turned into my worst nightmare. His words echoed in my head, “You’re going to ruin everything.” That’s all I ever do. I ruin everything. I couldn’t do it, not without Liam. He hates me now; the band is never going to forgive me. I just ruined the single best thing in my life. I slowly walked to the bathroom,every step I took thinking about how empty my life would now be without Liam, andevery creak on the floor board reminded me of why I could not do it without him. I shut the door behind me and opened the drawer so shaken the contents spilled across the floor. There it laid my weapon of choice, my silencer, and my peace. I sat there holding the blade, staring at it, examining every fine curve and line. I thought, “Should I do it?” and my mind told me something I’d needed to hear. “Someone asked me the other day if my glass was half empty or half full.  I was going to say it’s empty, but that’s not completely true.  My life isn’t void and I have my happy moments; but they usually just seem to disappear, or get worse.  So, my glass is cracked.  Yes, cracked.  It gets filled up with happiness and hope, but it always ends up escaping my grasp.  It always ends up empting out.  It will never be full because it’s always leaking.  And one day, it will get thrown away, because no one wants a broken glass.” Liam isn’t holding the cracked glass anymore, he’s let it fall and shards scattered across the floor. I looked at the blade and pressed it to my wrist, “I Love You, Liam” I managed a whisper.

Liam POV.

What did I do? Why did I say that? My foot pressed harder on the gas pedal. “Niall pick up!” I screamed into the phone. Tears were screaming down my face. I know what I wanted, and it was him. It had always been him, it would always be him. I swung the front door open and saw the same scene from the previous hours. “Niall” I whispered. “Niall” my voice rose louder, “NIALL” I yelled. My heart and head told me what I feared the most. The light shone from the crack in the bathroom door. I edged my feet closer and closer hoping he was just taking a shower to rinse of today’s pains. I swung the door open.

My knees hit the floor. “Nialler…..” I mustered through a sob. My body twisted in agony and my heart bursting into pieces. I crawled through the splatters of blood and into his arms. I grabbed the razor and held it in between my fingers imagining my baby holding it.  Breaking skin I felt liquid trickling down my wrist, I continued with the other one maintaining eye contact with him the whole time. Every heart has a pain. Only the way of expressing it is different. Fools hide it in eyes, while the brilliant hide it in their smile. Niall hid it in his smile, but he had accepted his love for me, and I always denied it. “Niall, if there is any part of you that can hear me. Listen, you know I’ll be your life, your voice, your reason to be, my love, my heart, is breathing for this moment in time. I loved you. I’ve always loved you, but I shouldn’t have been ashamed. I should have embraced it, I had so many opportunities. I’m sorry.” I couldn’t feel my body anymore and my eyes drifted open and then they would close and I felt my vision get splotchy. Every minute that passed I felt my love for Niall get stronger and stronger like I was getting closer and closer to being with him. And then we hugged each other tighter than we ever had before, knowing that we never would again in this lifetime.

My last breath felt shallow and hot as I stared at the floor and what I saw next made everything worthwhile. Written in blood, quite smudged, but still visible to my eyes wrote “I still love you, and I forgive you. See you soon.” He knew. And the world disappeared beneath my body.