Torn
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“Harry, put down the alcohol.” Came a stern voice from Harry’s left, normally Harry would have ignored such reprimand, but he knew that accent anywhere- even in his drunken state. That voice, it was the reason he turned to alcohol, drinking away his pain. He closed his eyes, not bearing to look at the person who stood in front of him.
“Go away; it’s all your fault. You left us, you left me- you can’t just do that man.” Slurred Harry in response, absent mindedly grasping the neck the bottle tighter- his hands shaking, though from grief or drunkenness, he couldn’t tell.
“It’s not like I really had a choice, Hazza.” Harry didn’t know whether it was the use of his nickname or the sadness in the voice that made him open his eyes and look up. Just as he had remembered him, blonde hair was scruffily spiked, pale skin and warm blue eyes – the eyes that haunted his dreams every night. Seeing his image in front of him was enough to make Harry want to take a swig out of the half empty bottle, but the other boy’s hand stopped him.
“Harry, you need to let go- it’s been 2 months.”
Harry stared, bewildered and gave his a small shake. “I can’t just let go, it’s not as easy as that.” His voice timid, his eyes watering.
“Please Harry, for me- just let go, I can’t let you do this to yourself.” Pleaded the blonde, his voice desperate and upset- Harry knew he couldn’t deny him, so he gave a slight nod, eyes closed with defeat, putting the bottle on the bench beside him.
By the time he opened his eyes again, the blonde was nowhere to be seen. From that moment on, Harry’s dreams were no longer haunted by the blue eyes and he never saw the blonde again.
—-
Louis sat in his apartment, grey eyes staring numbly at the blank walls, fingers clutching onto a soft red hoodie. He had left his apartment a maximum of 4 times in the past 2 months; he couldn’t face the world- not after what he had done to his friends. He was the oldest, he was meant to look after his band mates, protect them. He had failed them, he had failed everyone.
“You know that’s not true, Louis.” An Irish voice filled the stuffy, unmoving air of his living room. He would’ve been surprised at this sudden appearance if it wasn’t for the fact that the Irishman had been visiting him pretty much every day since the incident.
“But it is true. It’s my fault, I should h-have been t-there that night when…when.” But Louis could not continue his sentence as the sobs that formed in his chest, choked him- so the only thing he could was cry on the blonde’s shoulder.
“You wouldn’t have been able to do anything, or worse it could’ve been you instead. Please stop blaming yourself, Louis, I hate seeing waste away your life in this cold room because of me. Please, just let go of me, talk to the others- they need you.” With that said, the Irishman gave him a final hug and walked out the door- Louis watching as he left. With a sigh Louis, got up and made his way over to the phone- sending a text to the others apologising to them for not speaking to them.
That was the final time the blonde Irishman with the blue eyes had visited Louis.
—-
Zayn kicked the stone in anger, watching it ricochet of the mossy wall beside him. With a sigh, he sat down on the same wall, fingers drumming to a silent song
“Seriously Zayn, what had the stone ever done to you?” Smirked a familiar voice beside him, though Zayn stared straight on ahead, looking at the old metallic car in front of him instead of this ‘person’ that sat next to him.
“I’m afraid to say it was just there, poor thing got caught up in my anger.” Zayn replied whilst lighting a cigarette, putting it between his lips. They both sat in comfortable silence as they stared into the road. The road where it all happened, where the gun was announced and the trigger pulled. The road where Zayn held his friend as he died in his own pool of blood and the only thing Zayn could do was talk to him. The road where 5 became 4.
“I miss you, Nialler.” Zayn said quietly, looking at his friend, to which Niall only replied with a sad smile and a nod. They sat in silence for a few more minutes, just enjoying one another’s company. After a while Zayn just turned to Niall, brown met blue and he just simply nodded- the other boy understood what this meant and got up and walked away from Zayn for the last time.
—-
The rain spluttered down, drenching Liam to the bone, but he didn’t care, he only cared for the marble that was in front of his kneeling form. Liam was crying, though this went unnoticed in the rain, he was crying for his lost friend, for his soul mate, for the one he never told his true feelings to.
With a heart wrenched sob, Liam’s clenched fist hit the muddy ground again and again; he was somehow hoping that this action would rid his soul of the pain that scarred him so deeply. He missed him so much, every day waking up was agony and he just couldn’t handle it, he just wanted his Niall back.
Liam went to hit the ground again, when a hand reached out and stopped him, the other’s hand enclosing on Liam’s. Slowly Liam looked up and swathe blue eyes that he missed so much.
“Hey Li.” Niall said sadly, hand still holding Liam’s clenched fist, his ocean eyes brimming with emotion. Liam could only stare at the boy, unable to speak, only stuttering out a serious of noises. When he finally could string together words, he said the thing he had been dying to say since bootcamp.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” Was the reply, Liam could barely believe what he was hearing, they held each other’s gaze for a few seconds longer, till Niall gave a little smile and started slowly fading away- his grasp loosening on Liam’s hand.
“No wait, come back! You can’t leave me, not again!” Liam tried desperately to keep hold of Niall, but it was too late. He was gone.
“No,no, not again. You can’t leave me here, on my own.” Sobs wracked Liam’s body as he dejectedly started hitting the water logged ground.
—-
8 years had passed, 8 years of awards, of music and of an emptiness that filled their hearts- feeling it clutch the very essence of their souls, even though they had let go a while ago.
Now they stood on stage, for the final time, about to sing a song that had refused to listen to, let alone sing for 8 years. Their final song they would ever perform in public, a song they haven’t even rehearsed in fear that the lack of a certain voice would prevent them from performing it.
The four boys stared solemnly into the crows, their fans waiting excitedly but also nervously for their last song. Liam looked to his right, to meet the eyes of his other band mates and with a sad nod he began.
“I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm
He came around and he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn’t be that man I adored
You don’t seem to know
Or seem to care what your heart is for
Well I don’t know him anymore”
Tears adorned the band members’ eyes, all noticing the lack of the only thing that completed this song, that completed them. Harry shakily started his verse well aware that drops of emotions now rolled down his cheek.
“There’s nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That’s what’s going on
Nothing’s fine I’m torn.”
The chorus began, the fans joining in- but Zayn, Harry, Louis and Liam were oblivious to them as they clung to each other, trying to keep going. When a voice only they could hear joined in- the voice that made them One Direction, made them whole again. The four men looked to the left to see their friend, standing beside them singing along, eyes shining and a small smile on his pale face- looking exactly the same as he did 8 years ago.
“I’m all out of faith
This is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor”
They would be lying if they said they didn’t almost start sobbing at the sight of their lost band mate, but they carried on, ignoring the tears that streamed down their faces, feeling the salty drops hitting their smiling lips.
“Illusion never changed
Into something real
I’m wide awake
And I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late
I’m already torn”
Niall smiled at his closest friends, joining them for the last and final time as One Direction who had been four for so many years, finally became 5 once more.
