Rachelsnoveller

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Liam POV.

It shouldn’t have happened. It wasn’t right and it would.never.be.right. I couldn’t stop replaying back the last few hours. I wanted it to stop, I wanted to forget about it, and I wanted to erase it. I loved Niall, he was my best friend, but this, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I replayed back earlier today again.

“Niall, you can’t act like you’re ok and sit there moping around. I know you, something’s wrong.” I questioned him. “It’s really nothing Liam” he shot back and walked to the kitchen. I stood in the door way just watching him. It was painful to see him like this, I just watch him stand there with the sting of tears in his eyes. “Niall,please tell me” the pain in my voice seeping out, I heard it, he heard it, yet silence still rang out. What happened next was the unexplainable. He turned around his eyes searing into my skin and I felt our bodies lurch forward instinctively and we collapsed into each other. Our lips molded together like our hips; like they belonged there. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t comprehend, but it just felt right. My world was spinning faster and faster till he pulled away. Reality hit me hard, like a brick to the face.

“What…..what….was that for?” I stuttered. I didn’t let Niall get a word in before I spoke again. “Why would you do that? Niall this isn’t right! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?You’re going to ruin everything. I can’t even……not right now……how…..” I raced out of the room slamming the door on a stunned pale face.

Niall POV.

“Why would you do that? Niall this isn’t right! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? You’re going to ruin everything. I can’t even……not right now……how…..” Liam screamed and slammed the door. I stood there stunned a slow tear dripped from my blue eye. My vision started to blur along with my mind. I couldn’t decide what to feel, the happiest moment of my life just turned into my worst nightmare. His words echoed in my head, “You’re going to ruin everything.” That’s all I ever do. I ruin everything. I couldn’t do it, not without Liam. He hates me now; the band is never going to forgive me. I just ruined the single best thing in my life. I slowly walked to the bathroom,every step I took thinking about how empty my life would now be without Liam, andevery creak on the floor board reminded me of why I could not do it without him. I shut the door behind me and opened the drawer so shaken the contents spilled across the floor. There it laid my weapon of choice, my silencer, and my peace. I sat there holding the blade, staring at it, examining every fine curve and line. I thought, “Should I do it?” and my mind told me something I’d needed to hear. “Someone asked me the other day if my glass was half empty or half full.  I was going to say it’s empty, but that’s not completely true.  My life isn’t void and I have my happy moments; but they usually just seem to disappear, or get worse.  So, my glass is cracked.  Yes, cracked.  It gets filled up with happiness and hope, but it always ends up escaping my grasp.  It always ends up empting out.  It will never be full because it’s always leaking.  And one day, it will get thrown away, because no one wants a broken glass.” Liam isn’t holding the cracked glass anymore, he’s let it fall and shards scattered across the floor. I looked at the blade and pressed it to my wrist, “I Love You, Liam” I managed a whisper.

Liam POV.

What did I do? Why did I say that? My foot pressed harder on the gas pedal. “Niall pick up!” I screamed into the phone. Tears were screaming down my face. I know what I wanted, and it was him. It had always been him, it would always be him. I swung the front door open and saw the same scene from the previous hours. “Niall” I whispered. “Niall” my voice rose louder, “NIALL” I yelled. My heart and head told me what I feared the most. The light shone from the crack in the bathroom door. I edged my feet closer and closer hoping he was just taking a shower to rinse of today’s pains. I swung the door open.

My knees hit the floor. “Nialler…..” I mustered through a sob. My body twisted in agony and my heart bursting into pieces. I crawled through the splatters of blood and into his arms. I grabbed the razor and held it in between my fingers imagining my baby holding it.  Breaking skin I felt liquid trickling down my wrist, I continued with the other one maintaining eye contact with him the whole time. Every heart has a pain. Only the way of expressing it is different. Fools hide it in eyes, while the brilliant hide it in their smile. Niall hid it in his smile, but he had accepted his love for me, and I always denied it. “Niall, if there is any part of you that can hear me. Listen, you know I’ll be your life, your voice, your reason to be, my love, my heart, is breathing for this moment in time. I loved you. I’ve always loved you, but I shouldn’t have been ashamed. I should have embraced it, I had so many opportunities. I’m sorry.” I couldn’t feel my body anymore and my eyes drifted open and then they would close and I felt my vision get splotchy. Every minute that passed I felt my love for Niall get stronger and stronger like I was getting closer and closer to being with him. And then we hugged each other tighter than we ever had before, knowing that we never would again in this lifetime.

My last breath felt shallow and hot as I stared at the floor and what I saw next made everything worthwhile. Written in blood, quite smudged, but still visible to my eyes wrote “I still love you, and I forgive you. See you soon.” He knew. And the world disappeared beneath my body.

5 years ago

We were all waiting in Niall’s house. Niall and I have been dating for two years. He was my first kiss. I lost my virginity to him a few months ago. Niall was the sweetest guy in Mullingar. Niall had auditioned for x-factor a few weeks ago. He was in boot camp right now. We waited eagerly for his phone call. We waited for hours and hours, getting even more anxious. Ring ring. I immediately picked up the phone. I put it on speaker. “Hello” I greeted. His family members listened closely. “I made it. I got through boot camp.” I could hear him crying. We all cheered and congratulated him. “I’m not going as a solo though.” I told everyone to quiet down. “What do you mean you’re not going as a solo?” I inquired. “Well I didn’t make it at first, but they put me and these four other lads in a group,” he explained. “Hey at least you made it!” his brother shouted excitedly. I returned home. Later that night I got a call from Niall. “Hey, aren’t you going to sleep yet?” I asked. There was a quick silence. “Yea but I called to talk about something else.” I listened carefully. “I’m breaking up with you. I still love you and all but I need to focus on x-factor. You never know singing could be my career, so right now I need to focus on this. I love you. Promise you’d wait for me, after x-factor is over.” I didn’t know what to say. He was dumping me for some stupid competition. He doesn’t even know if he’s going to making it through the finals. The only words that came out were “I promise.” I hung up the phone. Suddenly I rushed to the sink and started puking.

***

Present Day

Niall POV

“Niall why are you so quiet it today?” Louis asked. “I had another dream about her. I can’t believe I let her slip away from my fingers.” I opened my wallet and started at her picture. “Wait you mean (Y/N), it’s been 5 years Niall. Just forget about her. Don’t you have her number? You know where she lives right?” “No, she moved without leaving an address. I have no idea where she is now. Plus my contacts got deleted and I can’t remember her phone number” I deeply sighed. I miss her a lot.

A few days later after our conversation, Louis and the lads all called me down excitedly. I didn’t feel like getting off the bed. I trudged down the stairs. “Guess who we found” Liam announced cheekily. I shrugged. “(Y/N)!” Zayn yelled. He held up a piece of paper. I quickly took it from his hands and scanned through the paper. It had her current address on it. “How’d you find this?” “We used the internet stupid!” Harry answered. “What are you waiting for? Aren’t you going to meet her? We’re not busy today. Here I’ll drive you there.” Louis said. I was elated. I was finally going to meet her. I got ready and left with Louis.

It only took an hour and a half to get to her house. Her house was located in a massive field. Louis stayed in the car while I knocked on the door. The door slightly opened. I little boy peeked at me. He opened the door wider. “Is your mum here?” He nodded his head and called his mum. “James, what did I still you about opening the door?” The voice sounded very familiar. She glanced at me. She was surprised and had a stern look on her face. She told James to watch TV and she stepped outside, closing the door behind her. “Hey…I miss you.” I was about to give her a hug but she rejected me. Her eyes where watery and tears started to form. She let out all her emotions. “Stay away from me you bastard. You made me suffer for four years. Every day you made me think that you were actually going to go back to me, but you didn’t. Do you know how depressed you made me? You know people spread rumors about me and ridiculed me? I had no-one to talk to Niall. You were the only friend who I could talk about anything. I was trapped for four years. For god sakes I didn’t even finish college because of you!” She started wailing. I tried to comfort her but she wouldn’t let me. I lost my patience and started yelling. “What does that have to do with me?  I wanted to call you, but I lost your number. When I visited your old house they said you moved. What was I suppose to do? What about you? You didn’t even bother to call or text me after we separated. Every time I sang more than this and everything about you, I always thought of you.” She covered her eyes with her hands. “I tried calling you and texting you every day, but you never replied. I still remember your number. You know, I haven’t changed my number since you left. I waited for you to call me. I was afraid that if I changed my number I would miss your call. But what was the point? You didn’t even bother to call. Believe or not I went old fashioned way and wrote you letters instead. I gave them to Maura. Obviously you haven’t read them. I bet you they’re still somewhere in your mum’s house.” She paused for a second and then continued talking. “In fact I moved because of you. People at school kept calling me names. They called me a slut, bitch, cunt, whore and so many other things. They spread rumors that weren’t even true. Everyone in school knew me. I was the center of attention. I wanted to commit suicide. My mom pitied me. She didn’t want me to cry myself to sleep anymore. She was willing to give up her job and home and move here.” I was confused for a moment. Then I thought of the little fellow who opened the door earlier. He had my middle name. He had sky blue eyes just like mine and darkish brown hair. My mouth dropped. “No…It can’t be?” She stared at me with her puffy red eyes and nodded. I made another attempt to hug her. This time she actually let me. I grabbed her tightly, wanting to never let her go. It must have been difficult being a single pregnant teen. I could feel her tears soak up in my shoulder. “I’m sorry” I whispered. Before I could say anything else, James opened the door. “Ma, Daddy’s awake.” I released her. Suddenly her mood changed. “You need to go. Now! Don’t you dare show your face again” she ordered. She quickly wiped away the tears from her face. I stood there bewildered. “Daddy?” I questioned. Suddenly I noticed the ring she had in her hand. She went back into the house and slammed the door shut. She’s married?

I got back in the car with Louis. I began punching the seats. “Whoa what happened? What you found out she’s not as hot as you thought?” Louis joked. “No, she’s married and she’s raising my son.” I mumbled. Louis mouth dropped to the o shape. I told him not to talk about it with anyone. The whole car trip back was silent.

After we went back to the boys I told them we had to go to Ireland quickly. It was tough begging management to agree but they let us since it was our day off. We hopped into a plane and went to my hometown. During the entire plane ride I replayed the incident in my head over and over. Her words echoed in my head. I had no clue she was married. Harry, Liam, and Zayn were all confused. They all wondered what happened with (Y/N) and I. Louis told them not to ask why and they kept silent.

As soon as we landed, I immediately went into my mum’s house. My mum gave me warm welcoming. “Hey did (Y/N) give you any letters while I was gone?” I inquired. She looked at me for a moment. “I think so. I put them where I kept all your letters.” She pointed to the gigantic sack in the corner of the kitchen. I took the sack and went into my bedroom. Everything was as I left it. I saw the picture of (Y/N) and I in my dresser. We were so young and happy. I emptied the bag of letters on my bed. It was a huge pile. One by one I scanned each envelope, searching for (Y/N)’s name. Most of the letters were just fan mail. I can’t believe I never checked this. After completely sorting out I finally found all the letters (Y/N)’s wrote. There were about forty-five or more letters from her. I opened and read each one. They brought tears to my eyes. There was only one letter left to read. The envelope was fancier than the others. This was last letter she has sent me. I opened it slowly. I skimmed through it. It was her wedding invitation. I tightly closed my fists. I was supposed to marry her first! She promised she would wait. There was a note at the back.

Sorry. I know I was supposed to wait. I still haven’t forgotten my promise. I’m not waiting another fucking year for you. I don’t even know if you’re even going to read this or read the others I sent. You clearly don’t care about me or you’ve forgotten me. Anyways, I don’t care if you go to the wedding or not. I’m seriously fed up with you.

I felt guilty. I regret dumping her, leaving her to face her problems alone. I shuffled all the envelopes and threw the mattress of the bed. I released my wrath. I’ve never felt this angry before.

***

25 Years Later

(Y/N) POV

I stared into Niall’s crystal blue eyes. His perfectly styles brownish blonde hair. He looked stunning in the black tux. He smiled as I walked carefully down the aisle. I was now standing right next to him. I can’t believe this was actually happening. The past years were crazy. As the priest began talking I was thinking about everything that happened. My husband died a few years ago. I was so devastated. James had already known that Niall was his father. He discovered I still had feelings for Niall and reunited us. Luckily Niall was still single and we fell into each other’s arms. I finally apologized and forgave him after all these years.

It was finally our turn to say our vows. This was it. I could hear Niall breathing heavily. He was probably a bit nervous. Suddenly he clutched his heart and collapsed on the floor. I kneeled down beside him. “SOMEONE CALL THE AMBULANCE PLEASE!” I anxiously shouted. Niall was gasping for air. He was having a heart attack. Everyone took out their phones. Tears strolled down my face. It was only a matter of time before he stopped breathing. It was hard for him to speak. “I love you!” I exclaimed. He mouthed the words Love you too. His eyes froze, and his arms relaxed. I screeched, I placed my head against his chest listening for a heartbeat. Liam held my shoulder. “He’s gone….” James was beside me. “No, Dad can’t be gone!” Ever since Niall and I were back together again he’d been hanging out with him. They had a close relationship ever since. I didn’t want to let go of Niall. He was just too precious to lose. The ambulance came, but it was already too late.

That night, everyone went back home. I stayed in James apartment. Liam, Zayn, Louis and Harry came with us too. I didn’t want to be alone. I was still overwhelmed. “You need to get some rest mum” He guided me to a bed and tucked me in. He was handling the situation more calmly and maturely then I did. He was the best son ever. He closed the door. I struggled to fall asleep. I tried blocking out everything on my head but I couldn’t. I’ve lost two important men in my life. All I could think about was Niall. He was my only best friend and lover. I thought of the time we first met, in year two,. I was the new student and he approached me first. He still had brown hair then. He always made me laugh. If only there was a way to rewind time.

I got up, my head was lightheaded. I went to the toilet. I searched James’s medicine cabinet. I found sleeping pills. It was exactly what I needed. I carried it back to the bed. I swallowed one and tried to go back to sleep. Half an hour passed and I tossed and turned. It was a restless night.  I took another pill, I still couldn’t sleep. I took two more. I was sweaty and tired; my world was spinning into a big blur. Finally I fell asleep, but I never woke up. Niall and I were finally together at last.

Listen and Read:

I remember her brown curls and the way they twisted down her back complementingher figure. I remember her bright blue eyes and the way they outshined the night sky. I remember the way she held me and the way she kept me sane in a world of insanity. I remember everything, the good, and the bad.

I remember making dinner that one night; it was a huge meal for all of the boys and their company they brought along. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, countless dishes of pasta, pretty much everything. I watched her from across the table, slowly poking at the little portions on her plate. She took a few bites and then quickly excused herself from the table. I couldn’t help myself, something wasn’t right.

I remember not hesitating. I remember swinging the bathroom door open to an utter mess. There she laid her hands clasping the toilet bowl, forcing herself. Slow tear drops rolled off her cheek bones and on to her lips. “Why….?” I had to ask. Her answer killed me, “I’m not good enough Liam. I need to be skinnier. I need to beprettier to be with you. I need to be perfection.” I sat down next to her pulled her into my arms and I held her there, slowly rocking her back and forth. She looked at me puzzled and asked, “Why are you still here, aren’t you disgusted with me?” I really couldn’t hold back my tears now. I tucked her bangs behind her ears and said, “Leave you?, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen? I’m sorry but letting something this good go would just about wreck me for life. You need to know that you are the best thing that I’ve ever had. You are beautiful, in every way. Just because you aren’t like those girls on the cover of vogue doesn’t mean you aren’t prettier. I would pick you, every time. You are beautiful. We’re going to get through this, day by day, I’m going to help you and I’ll be there every step of the way. I will never leave you. I love you.”

That night was the turning point in our relationship. She got help and I was there for her and believe me it was never easy, but it was worth it. I still wonder day to day why God still had to take her from me, I wonder what I did wrong. She didn’t have to be there that night on that street where that man was. Where that gun was. Where Iwasn’t…Why did it have to be her? So many struggles, so many fears, and we overcame them all and one night it’s all gone. Everything you’ve worked for vanished into thin air and all’s you have left are memories.

I figured out something today though maybe God had a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey had bigger purpose. Like I was sent to her because she was sick, I had to help her through it. I was her angel.

I do know one thing for sure. She saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. I’ll always miss her. But our love is like the wind. I can’t see it, but I can feel it.

listen and read:

Liam walked over to the boys and slung his arm around Niall. Niall carefully touched Liam’s hand and smiled at him. Louis and Harry smiled as a man walked over, camera in hand.
The crowd was screaming their names. The rush was crazy and their hearts were beating a hundred miles an hour. 
“WE LOVE YOU!” They screamed loudly. 
Management pushed the boys roughly into the car and they all laughed as they ended up piled on top of each other. 
“Back home?” The driver said, his voice low.
“There’s only One Direction!” The boys yelled, slightly drunk.
The car sped down the freeway and the boys all sat, taking in the night. Liam tapped his legs and thought of Danielle’s face. The way she would smile when he opened the door and he couldn’t wait to take her into his arms again.
He looked over at Louis who was clearly thinking similar to him, about his girlfriend Eleanor.
The car slowly moved through the traffic lights, and as if in slow motion the cars beside it swerved away. Harry’s face turned a ghastly white and his eyes widened. Liam’s head snapped to see another car hurtling towards the side of their car.
Liam dived over Niall, protecting his almost brother. The impact jolted him to the side and made him painfully hit his head against the seat.
The car tipped and Liam yelled as it flipped over, increasingly faster.
When the motion finally halted he sat up, scanning over his four best friends, his four brothers, who lay motionless. Lifeless.
“Niall! Harry? Louis! Zayn! Wake up boys!”
Tears streamed freely down his face.
“Come on boys!” He tugged at Niall and stared at him, increasingly realising that his best friend was in fact gone.
Screams erupted from the distance and Liam’s breathing became rugged and shaky.
Harry moaned quietly from the side of him.
“HARRY!” He cried, grasping his hand. He pushed hard against his chest where a gash poured with gluggy, brown/red liquid.
“Don’t die on me, you can’t do this.” Liam’s voice eventually faded out and became sobs, “Don’t you dare die!”
Harry whispered quietly, rushing his words.
“Tell my family that I love them, give Gemma a kiss for me. Look after mum.”
“Harry!” Liam cried, “Please don’t give up!”
Harry took a deep, hollow breath and his hand slowly let go of Liam’s.
Liam removed his hand from the curly-haired boy’s chest and stared at the blood, his tears now mixing with the wet liquid.

Liam’s nails dug into the grass and stared ahead of him.
“4 boys, 4 brothers ripped away too soon.” He read aloud from the tombstone.
“I miss you boys.” He sobbed, his heart ripping into a million pieces.
“Niall…” He kissed two fingers and rested them against the boy’s name on the cold marble tombstone, “You were my baby brother. You were always there and I can’t believe you are gone.”
He placed Niall’s friendship bracelet in front of the headstone.
“Harry,” He laughed softly, “I miss you.. your smile, your curly hair… your jokes. I just miss you buddy.” He rested down Harry’s bracelet and moved to Louis.
“Louis, my older brother. I love you man. Hope you and the boys are having fun up there.”
He placed the bracelet on the wet grass.
“Zayn, I hope I was the perfect brother for you! I know you’ve always wanted one… I know I had 4 unbelievable ones, I’ll never forget you, Bradford boy.”
He gently stepped back and looked at the 4 bracelets that lay on the ground in front of the four headstones.
“I never thought I’d have to say goodbye. Not to you guys anyway. 5 boys, 1 dream…. One Direction.”
He turned away and walked into the sunset, his face wet with tears, his hands in Danielle’s as 4 boys smiled proudly from behind him. All hand’s resting on each other’s shoulders.