I need to be perfection
Listen and Read:
I remember her brown curls and the way they twisted down her back complementingher figure. I remember her bright blue eyes and the way they outshined the night sky. I remember the way she held me and the way she kept me sane in a world of insanity. I remember everything, the good, and the bad.
I remember making dinner that one night; it was a huge meal for all of the boys and their company they brought along. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, countless dishes of pasta, pretty much everything. I watched her from across the table, slowly poking at the little portions on her plate. She took a few bites and then quickly excused herself from the table. I couldn’t help myself, something wasn’t right.
I remember not hesitating. I remember swinging the bathroom door open to an utter mess. There she laid her hands clasping the toilet bowl, forcing herself. Slow tear drops rolled off her cheek bones and on to her lips. “Why….?” I had to ask. Her answer killed me, “I’m not good enough Liam. I need to be skinnier. I need to beprettier to be with you. I need to be perfection.” I sat down next to her pulled her into my arms and I held her there, slowly rocking her back and forth. She looked at me puzzled and asked, “Why are you still here, aren’t you disgusted with me?” I really couldn’t hold back my tears now. I tucked her bangs behind her ears and said, “Leave you?, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen? I’m sorry but letting something this good go would just about wreck me for life. You need to know that you are the best thing that I’ve ever had. You are beautiful, in every way. Just because you aren’t like those girls on the cover of vogue doesn’t mean you aren’t prettier. I would pick you, every time. You are beautiful. We’re going to get through this, day by day, I’m going to help you and I’ll be there every step of the way. I will never leave you. I love you.”
That night was the turning point in our relationship. She got help and I was there for her and believe me it was never easy, but it was worth it. I still wonder day to day why God still had to take her from me, I wonder what I did wrong. She didn’t have to be there that night on that street where that man was. Where that gun was. Where Iwasn’t…Why did it have to be her? So many struggles, so many fears, and we overcame them all and one night it’s all gone. Everything you’ve worked for vanished into thin air and all’s you have left are memories.
I figured out something today though maybe God had a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey had bigger purpose. Like I was sent to her because she was sick, I had to help her through it. I was her angel.
I do know one thing for sure. She saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. I’ll always miss her. But our love is like the wind. I can’t see it, but I can feel it.
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