Skinny Love
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I smile as I look through all the old photos remembering how I felt with him. When everything was simple and we didn’t have any worries. I slide the box back under my bed. That was a different time. Things have changed, and in some ways yes they are better, he is finally living his dream. But the thing that hurts the most is he is doing it without me. I feel like everyday he is slipping further and further away from me, and there are some days where I can’t even smile anymore. I told my love to wreck it all. I told him to let me go, that I would be fine without him and waiting for his return. Love does not change with hours or weeks as Love is not at the mercy of time - Oh how I was wrong. I told him to chase his dreams and not let me be an obstacle in his way. But now knowing he is on the other side of the world having the time of his life, has ruined me.
Every night for the first month he would call me, I would tell him to be patient and that soon we would be back together. He would laugh, and I knew he was smiling whilst telling me he loves me and how much he wishes I was there. For that first month I really believed he did. I told him to be fine just like I was, and that there was nothing to worry about. Every night I would say those words, “I’m. Fine.” and every time would be a lie. At the end of each call I told him to be balanced and kind, and without those things, his dream would slip away. We would say our I love yous and miss yous and that would be it.
Each morning was a struggle. I would always try as hard as I could not to wake up in the morning. Against my will, my eyes would always open and my feet would always shuffle me out of bed. I miss rolling over and seeing him there so quiet and peaceful. The sunlight flickering off his blonde, spiky hair, and the way his lips would always stick outwards just waiting for you to kiss and wake him. But all of that is gone now and all that’s left is a clean tucked in sheet. Sometimes I turn out the corner and go to sleep imagining he is going to come in one night and wrap his arms around me.
The last time he called or even texted me was 4 months ago. I remember it so clearly ‘Hi jst landed in LA wntd to let u know we landed well.’ The text was emotionless. Not even a bit of warmth to it. It made me feel hollow, like our love was never even there. Come on skinny love what happened here? Love is not love which alters when alteration finds it! But bears out even to the edge of doom. How am I meant to say we are in love when you don’t even speak. Perhaps I have been proved wrong about these thoughts of love. Perhaps our love was never even there. And now all your love is wasted. And who the hell was I? I’m breaking at the bridges, and at the end of all your lines. Were we always so doomed for failure?
