Rachelsnoveller

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“Stop it, Niall!”
“Please,” I heard myself say as I grabbed her hand, “Please don’t.”
She stayed still, my breath hitching as I waited for her to reply, “Why?”
Why? “Because, I love you,” I finally said, brushing my thumb against the back of her hand, “I need you.”
“Why are you only saying that now?” she said, barely a whisper.
“I…”
“Why couldn’t you say it when I needed to hear it?” she turned to me, eyes full of anger and frustration as she pushed at my chest, “When I needed to feel it!”
I furrowed my eyebrows and pulled her close, pressing her forehead to mine, “You never told me…”
She smiled warily, “I never knew I had to ask,” she sighed softly and I bit my lip, guilty. “I can’t…Niall, I – ”
“No,” I growled and kissed her. Hard. My hands settled on the small of her back as I tried to take back all that we had lost. Clinging onto the fabric of her shirt, trying to grasp whatever bits and pieces we had left, “I need you, I need you so much.”
She shook her head, “You don’t. I need you more than you need me,” she muttered, her hands balled into fists against my chest.
“That’s not true!” I said, hurt. “I need you more than anything.”
“Are you only saying that to get me from leaving you?”
I remained quiet and she shook her head, “Let me go, Niall…please,” my heart sank as her voice cracked, “Please let me go.”
I stared at her, “Is it because you don’t love me anymore?”
Her eyes widened, “I’ll always love you.”
“Then why – ”
“Because it isn’t enough! Don’t you see, don’t you feel, how much we’re breaking? Not a day goes by without us fighting! Why,” she fell to her knees, her head in her hands “Why can’t I remember a time where we were both smiling? Why can I only remember us fighting?”
I sank to her level and brushed my fingers against her hands, “We just got lost for a bit, please! We’ve gone through nearly two years, we can last another two! We can fix this, I can be better! I’ll be better for you – ”
“Don’t!” I pulled my hand back and she covered her mouth, unable to control her sobs, “I’m so scared, Niall. We fell too fast – I fell too far.”
“You didn’t, you didn’t!”
“We need to let go, we’re only getting worse…” she said through cries, “I need to breathe again.”
I pulled her to my chest, because I couldn’t watch her cry. Also because I didn’t want her to see me cry.
“What happened,” I muttered, “Why did it happen to us?”
“It’s my fault,” she said softly and I shook my head.
“Never,”
She looked up at me, eyes wet and red, “Please, Niall…”
I knew exactly what she meant. “You’re giving up,” I whispered to hide the breaking of my voice, “You can’t, you promised! We promised,” her shoulders shook and I shut my eyes tight, blinking my tears away as I anticipated the words I knew would break us both,
“I’m sorry.”