Rachelsnoveller

‘No! Louis!’ I screamed, using all my force to try and break through the line of paramedics holding me back as they loaded Louis into the back of the ambulance.

Tears poured down my cheeks, dripping off my nose and chin onto Harry’s Jack Wills hoodie he’d given me when he arrived at the scene. I couldn’t bear to look at the crash site without knowing I’d break down, seeing the gun lying on the floor beside Louis’ car, which was now lying on it’s side, windows smashed in completely. Louis’ car was ruined, and there was no way even the best mechanics would be able to fix it.

‘Miss, please, you need to stay calm! For Louis’ sake!’ said a large, male paramedic, handing me a tissue and pressing his finger to his lips.

I nodded. I’d do anything as long as it meant I got to stay with Louis. He was going to survive this - he had to.

I climbed into the ambulance, collapsing into a chair beside Louis. I reached out and took his hand in mine, interlocking our fingers gently. Harry slipped onto the chair beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder.

‘He’s a strong lad. He’ll get through this, he’s got to’ he whispered, pressing a friendly kiss on the top of my head.

I nodded. I believed him - I had to.

‘Miss, do you mind explaining what happened?’ a petite female nurse asked me after she’d finished attaching something to Louis’ finger, which would measure his pulse.

‘Yeah, erm, well, we were driving home, a-and suddenly this maniac drove right towards us. L-Louis saw him coming and he told me to duck, so I did. A-and the next thing, there’s this gun shot and, oh my god, the car went onto it’s side and glass went e-everywhere..’ I trailed off as a lump grew in my throat. It brought tears to my eyes just looking at Louis limp body sprawled on the stretcher, his skin pale and bloody. The heart monitor beeped at a steady pace, reassuring me my beautiful boy was still with us.

We reached the hospital and they took Louis away. Me and Harry stayed in the car park all night in Harry’s car, which he’d insisted someone drived behind the ambulance. I never knew who ended up driving, but it got here. I was so thankful Harry hadn’t left me.

I rubbed the bump of my stomach gently, knowing there was still a part of Louis there with me, even though his body was in the hospital sleeping. Our baby.

-*-

‘We need help in here, now!’

Suddenly a crowd of doctors and nurses sped through the waiting room and up a corridor to the emergency rooms. My heart began to race. They weren’t going to Louis’ room up there, they couldn’t!

I sped after them, screaming and demanding to know what was going on. I broke down when I saw them flood into Louis’ room and shut the door, pulling the blinds down.

I suppose I already knew what had happened when the room went silent. Louis was gone.

And I hadn’t even got to say goodbye.

{3 Years Later}

I reached into my bedside drawer and pulled out an old, crumpled piece of paper, running my finger over the scrawl that read my name.

I opened it up, the A4 sheet slightly torn in the corners and on the edges, crease marks fading the odd letter, but I knew it off by heart by now. Tears brimmed in my eyes as I read the oh so familiar scrawl.

‘To my beautiful girl,

If you received this, it means I didn’t make it through. I’m sorry I couldn’t be strong enough to hold on long enough to get better, to help you with the beginning of our new family. I hope Tommo Junior is doing well in life. I just wish I could be there with you to watch them grow, to support them and know they’re doing well.

Remember I’m always looking down on the two of you, day and night. There won’t be a day that goes by when I don’t make sure you two are having the perfect life - it’s what I would’ve wanted whether I survived this or not.

With this letter, I leave my heart. It always belonged to you and it always will. I could never have loved anyone else, it would’ve been practically impossible to love anyone apart from you. We were going to grow old together, watching our children and grandchildren get on with their lives, supporting them to our best ability.

Can’t wait to hold you in my arms again one day. Until then, I’ll be waiting.

I love you.

Louis x’

I looked up to the sky and I knew Louis was up there, looking down on us. I held my hand on my heart.

‘I love you too, I always will. Miss you so much. Can’t wait to see you again one day. My beautiful boy’ I whispered, my voice cracking on the last syllable.

‘Emily misses you too. She has your eyes’.